My dearly departed, I know it's been forever since I've posted anything. Honestly, part one of the ARG was a bit of a bust since I revealed 90% of the story already so it spoiled most of it. I have no idea if I will do part two or not, though there was some reception, although very small. I'm thinking of holding off on it for now as its still shares a deep hidden connection to another series I was also working on (not going to reveal what it's connected to as it's still not finished, but if you know me and you've seen the final image, you might draw a connection)

speaking of. Anderswo looks dead, but I like to think it's sleeping. it fits with the overall theming in the lore which is oddly serendipitous. the reason I've lost motivation to work on it is that there were too many hands in the pot, and I was taking too much input from other people and it ended up destroying some of the consistency and original vision for the story and world. One person was saying it should be like "this" or "that" while another person kept pushing to sell out and start producing merch for it. I really began to hate what it was turning into. it was supposed to have a lot of metaphor and meaning. if I end up working on it in the future it's going to be rebuilt from the ground up. I'm keeping the characters, but I may end up rebranding it.

as for rebranding, I've mentioned in past posts I started another series that I've kept very quiet about. well, quiet for me, I tend to overshare stuff so it's hard enough keeping stuff hidden, look at the result of the Halloween event series for example. All in all, I've been dedicating a lot more time to writing this particular story and, depending on how safe things are, I will most definitely try to draw some of the main characters, just to seed a bit of hype maybe as this one is going to be one I will sell out a little on. I know I'm probably sounding like a hypocrite now because I was against selling out Anderswo, but that's because I have an emotional connection to that fictional world. this new series is a bit more cut'n'dry and as much as I've grown to really like the new characters and story, I'm not too attached to it, so I feel okay with marketing the hell out of it. In a weird way, I'm making something that I myself would buy if it was sold to me (is that narcissistic?? if it is I don't mean it to be, honest, SORRY!)

Still want to be the Halloween queen though, I can still dream. The best I can do is download waaay too many Halloween mods for my games. ALSO sorry I haven't posted any art, I've been having a lot of trouble finding the motivation or even just inspiration lately. It also doesn't help that with my recent trauma and subsequent head injury I've been struggling with mental health. It's almost like getting hit in the back of the head with a machete leaves you fucked in the head, unable to work and unwilling to open up and express yourself, or something.

Anyone who has followed along with the story, thank you for being there. The hallowed month is more than preparing for winter or stuffing your face with candy. Autumn feels like the end to some, and a beginning to others. In this, we wanted to show you something more. We had Followed Dr. Victor Ramirez and his examinations of the black book. His brother prof Octavio Ramirez had found the book during an exhibition of a Mesopotamian archaeological dig. Before he could report his findings, the professor had mysteriously disappeared.

Since his wife had died 2 years prior, his two sons Billy, and Howard, were left in his brother's care. Billy tried his best to integrate with his twin cousins, Zack and Cregg, though they did make him the butt of their jokes and pranks. Howard, on the other hand, chose to be by himself, only sparsely communicating with his brother and remaining estranged from his adopted uncle. He'd also developed a nasty bit of cleptomania as a response to his living situation.

Things were bound to get worse over time, however. A colleague of Octavio had opened a safe containing the book and a note stating "should anything happen to me, make sure this book is given to my sons." Choosing to respect the wishes of the late professor, it was delivered.

Billy was the only one around at the time it arrived, carried in a large paper bag. Billy never got the chance to look at the book however, the twins had gotten up to their old antics again. This time, however, they had brought another child with them, Skitter. Not much was known about the boy, other than he lived with his drunken stepfather and would always be found around the cemetery at night.

the first day of October was a day all of the boys would remember for the rest of their lives, all except Billy. Zack and Cregg had noticed the Black Book in Billy's room. They assumed it was a diary, and plotted to steal it, thinking it had funny secrets to tell everyone with. Knowing Howard liked to steal things, they bribed him to help out with the scheme, though it did take a bit of convincing he eventually got on board. When they did acquire the book, they soon discovered it wasn't what they thought.

the contents of its pages were written in an unknown language, but for some reason, they all could understand it. With each page they turned, the more animated the book had become, and soon even the words themselves began leaping off the pages, glowing eerily. Unbeknownst to the boys, Howard had been watching the entire thing unfold, and just when things started getting out of hand, he leaped from behind, snatched the book, and slammed it shut.

Billy had then arrived to find everyone crowding around his book. Annoyed, he attempted to get it back, but Zack decided to antagonize him turning it into a cheeky, game of monkey in the middle. The commotion and ruckus had soon alerted the uncle, who then stormed angrily. Ramirez, tired and irritated from work, had lost his patience, opting to confiscate the book they were fighting over, sending each child to their rooms, and grounding them for the rest of the night.

A few days later, things started happening. Starting with one incident that scared the whole town. Zack was biking home from school when a car being driven by the local jock and son of the mayor, had jumped the curb and struck him from behind. He rolled over the top and landed hard on the concrete. The paramedics arrived shortly after, assuming he was most likely dead, but as soon as they pulled out the stretcher, he got back up, got back on his bike, and started peddling back home.

Even though it was printed in the papers the day after, everyone had passed it off as a Halloween prank, especially since the mayor had paid most of the people involved to stay quiet, in a bid to avoid potential controversy. These were not the only things that started happening. During the first week of October, around 4 teenagers had disappeared and on top of that, reports of criminal mischief taking place around town had also coincided with rumors of cult recruitment. The only evidence that supported it was a single latter that was left behind after the courthouse was egged.

The rest of the boys had also undergone a drastic change. Their skin began turning a greyer color, almost giving them a dead complexion. Zack, having had a collision, seemed worse off than the rest of them. Billy, however, seemed perfectly fine, though not all was well with the poor boy. His uncle couldn't make time for him and neither did his brother. No one there to help him make a costume, no one there to help him carve pumpkins, he was alone.

Maybe it was a guilty conscience that led them, either way, even though Billy had the worst costume by far, Zack, Cregg, and Skitter, all of them brought him into their trick-or-treat gang. In order to initiate him into the group, they first needed to go to the woods. Truth be told, none of the kids had a plan going in, but one thing was for sure, they were not expecting to find what they did going in. Horrifying monsters were stalking the woods, all crowding around a strange red, pulsating structure. Needless to say, they did not hang around to see what was going to happen.

while this was happening, Dr.Ramirez was busy. His snubbed nose stuck to every page of that book. Turns out the acquisition of the book was not merely out of discipline it seems. various experiments had been carried out, all with numerous results. The involvement of his nurse, Marcella, would improve the studies.

Though as time went on, she would ultimately form her own goals involving the book. Victor had already exposed himself and had gone through the effort to print copies of a fair number of the pages. These notes would, in fact, prove more useful to Marcella, as her personal experiments had yielded something far more than what the doctor had achieved.

The creature she spawned called itself Yorgnith. It claimed to be a god, one of three to be exact, but it was only partially formed. It had explained that out of the three, his aspect was higher knowledge and unknowns, but he would only reveal that knowledge he had more power. Marcella agreed, but she would need to be careful with this pursuit. As much she respected her superior, she didn't want to risk being cut out of the discoveries. As for the doctors, his research did change him in the same way it changed the children, but this was not the only thing he found.

Through the writings, there was talk of openings to an inner world, I hidden layer of reality that housed a conduit that could alter the foundation of the universe. However, he would have to follow a set of steps to achieve this. Most would be carried out for the boons that they would provide, but they would all be required for the ultimate prize. He had taken the time in sewing seeds of chaos with a few miscreants around the town, those of which he had baited with the promise of joining his "cult." These were fabrications, most who did his bidding did not survive the ordeal. His nephew, Howard, did survive the ordeal, cutting himself out from the plastic bag he'd been hung in. Still, the doctor didn't pay it any mind, he'd already killed enough of them for the next step.

So step one: sew chaos, step two: spill blood. These first steps had granted him immortality. The next few steps would be more difficult, as they would require the approval of three god-like entities. The three were called Clod'zeel, Yorgnith, and Malgoloth. Each of them had a charge that an individual must complete, before granting an audience. It was lucky for him, his nurse had already begun taking care of Yorgnith's challenge. The feat of Clod'zeel would require conquering one's fears, with that he found he could make use of his children. Summon the deity in their dreams and they will do the work of conquering them. The last charge would be far more difficult, as it would require Victor to travel to the inner world, but in order to enter that plan, he would need to open "the World's mouth.

The world's mouth would only if the world itself was coming to an end. This almost put a stop to his plans, if it weren't for the actions of Marcella. Yorgnith had let it slip that the world had been shifting toward doomsday for a while, and mouths were already beginning to open. A serendipitous turn of events, although Victor did have to threaten her for the information. He had already gone far enough to commit murder, the only reason he'd decided to let her live, was because the reformed god had taken a liking to the sultry nurse. Spare the beauty lest he angers the beast.

The pieces were now in place, now the only thing he would have to do is find a way of predicting the events in the short term, and luckily, the book provided a means to this, but at a very costly price. To a glimpse into the future, the recipient of the vision would need to willingly cut out their eyes. With one eye you will acquire a partial vision, but if you sacrifice both eyes, you will be granted indefinite visions. Victor, as ambitious as he was, would not go all the way, a partial vision was enough to see what was to come, in order to plan ahead.

While the doctor immersed in the madness of his work. Howard had found himself changed. The trauma of nearly suffocating in the woods and having no one there to comfort him left him embittered. He'd cried for his father's return, a sign of his mother watching over him from the grave, but alas. No one came and no one cared. He was alone, and this is where he would begin to take his anger out on everyone. The first time was an impulse, a mouthy stranger who picked on him at the wrong moment, the second time it was intentional, someone minding their own business.

Soon he was picking just about anyone as long as they were alone. He always went for the faces, and as it progressed he started cutting them off. It wasn't for any profound statement, in a way he was projecting his own self-hatred onto them. He thought his face ugly, covered in blemishes, his nose always being congested and making it difficult to breathe. Though despite becoming efficient, the killings themselves did little to ease the frustrations he felt.

The children had been undergoing their own troubles. Nightmares of giant killer clowns had been plaguing them all. all of them except Billy. Billy had fond memories of his father taking him to the circus, the clowns he saw in his dreams had only brought him joy, as well as the visions of a pale faced man in a dark outfit. he could not fear them, because to him, they had been the only friends he'd had. So when the other three boys had come upon a letter inviting them to the abandoned carnival out of town, he was not among them, at least not in the beginning.

Zack, Cregg and Skitter, all went by themselves, and when they arrived, they all encountered the horror that haunted their sleep. They would have all succumbed to their fears had Billy not come looking for them. The boy in the paper bag stood before the colorful eldrich, feeling no fear, but peace and joy. it dissolved into a million colorful bubbles that filled the area with warm, colorful lights, before disappearing entirely, leaving the boys stunned and amazed. The first charge had been completed.

Marcella had been learning a lot from her newfound companion, though she was not without her own problems. The Jock son of the Mayor had been making more than one flirtatious pass at her, giving her the bare minimum of romantic gestures in the form of a pitiful bouquet of pansies. The final straw was when he tried to persuade Howard, who was already working late at the flower shop, to give him a free rose. Howard gave it to him alright, right after he clipped the bud off, leaving a thorny stem in the middle of the bunch.

After this, she knew what she had to do. After a good amount of prep work, she invited the mayor's son over. It didn't take that much effort, though having an elder god assist you made it exceedingly simple but after that something unexpected happened. Yorgnith had gone and locked himself in the bathroom after the ordeal. Marcella was deeply concerned, worrying that her small and gelatinous friend had been injured in the issuing struggle. When the door finally open, she was shocked to find that the once small and amorphous creature had transformed. Although he still possessed his otherworldly characteristics, he was far more handsome then before. This had completed the second charge. Now there was only one charge left to complete.

meanwhile, Howard was still on the prowl, still feeling empty. None of the killings had satiated him. It was then he saw Marcella passing by, he ultimately decided to take his frustrations out on her. When he stalked her back to her house, things had taken an unexpected turn. Before he could make an attack, Yorgnith had apprehended him. It would have been easy to destroy the boy, but Yorgnith could sense something. He could tell, the boy just wanted to be loved, he'd come dangerously close to giving it up. He knew the only thing he could do was to change himself. So he was led to the bathroom and given his box cutter back. There he would cut off one last face... his own.

when the deed was done, it was suggested that Howard try to get in touch with his younger sibling to make sure they were okay. When he called home, he found that both his brother and his two cousins had barricaded themselves in the house. Apparently, various leather-clad monsters had begun rampaging throughout the town. Howard, Marcella, and Yorgnith, all made their way to the boy's house, fighting off many of the ghastly creatures on their way. When the boys were collected, they had all made their way out of the town together.

They had made it to a safe and secluded camping area, away from the chaos of the town. it was here they soon discovered something. It was the eve of Halloween, but tomorrow was the end of the world. The children were left feeling discouraged and disillusioned, but luckily, Howard with his change of demeanor, wouldn't let that happen easily. Though it took some effort, they all managed to have one final celebration. Not a big one, but a comfortable one. and whatever is to happen next, at least they would have this.

When dawn broke the next morning, the town was in near ruins. Buildings were burning, shops were looted and survivors were being hunted and slaughtered, but what came next was a little bit over the top. The university had in its possession an experimental utility vehicle that was planned for exploration into radioactive landfills. Well... the good doctor had somehow commandeered it in the ensuing chaos. When he came out guns blazing, everything was reduced to a fine red mist. It was certain now that nothing would stand in the way of his plans.

As the sun rose higher, the sky burned an angry red from the fires that burned around the town. Marcella was at a loss as to what to do next. Yorgniith, on the other hand, was keeping unusually calm about the whole situation. When Marcella inquired, he revealed that this wasn't the first time he'd seen the world end this way. The world had ended and begun millions of times and this was no different. It was then Marcella realized, even though Yorgnith was a god, he was not going to save her, he was only going to make the last moments as painless as possible.

The children were also gone. No adults left, they had to go alone. Howard had followed them for as long as he could, but he couldn't leave the town just yet. Making his way back, he broke back into Marcella's house. There, he found it, the black book. Apparently, she swiped it from Victor's before the entire town had been invaded, and he was surprised she didn't take it with her. It only took a matter of hours to read through, its contents enlightening and inspiring the boy with many thoughts. He knew what to do, and unlike his uncle, he would go a step beyond.

Ripping out his own eyes didn't just give him infinite visions. No, he saw the world for what it really was, the world was made of code. the world wasn't just a simulation, it was a dream, and not just any dream anymore. it was HIS dream now, and he could warp it any way he wanted to. Victor could have had this same power, but he was too scared and too weak to pursue it. In this shattered world, he would be its one ruler. If all of mankind was reduced to worms, then he shall be their king.

The final stage was set, The final maw had spread open its gnashing jaws, and the doctor storm in. Arriving on a large stone platform, set above a darkened labyrinth. He was captivated, he didn't notice the man that was there to greet him. Rather he wasn't a man at all. It looked like it stepped out of hell onto a bondage fashion show. Its outfit glistened as it stared with hollowed-out sockets, bits of red glinting within them. It wouldn't take too much effort to guess that this was Malgoloth, a forgotten god to a forgotten realm. It was time to face the final Charge.

It wasn't exactly hard, just time-consuming. Being immortal, he had all the time he would need. He didn't know exactly how long he'd been in that maze. Months, years, centuries, eventually time lost all meaning entirely. when he did make it to the end, he had to take a moment to see if what he was seeing was actually real. the large mechanism sitting on the podium seemed almost too good to be true... and as luck would have it, it was. He tried in vain to make the damn thing work. His reality could not be saved, could not be restored or backed up. He'd now lost everything.

There was only one option left. He was able to access one other world, the transfer wouldn't be too out of imagination. The only problem was, this world was just barely stable. If his theory was correct, and what was stated in the book was implied to be true, then there could be another Meta Configuration in this new world. He would have to take a chance and see... as the saying goes "the way to paradise is neither here nor there, but Elsewhere."

Watching this whole thing unfold was baffling, frightening, yet equally fascinating. Watching the artist struggle away, the pain of loss still fresh in her mind, but still pushing herself. Suppose you want an explanation for the series, and why she spent an entire month toiling away instead of celebrating. Simple, she hadn't let go yet. She was still grieving over the loss of her "Best Friend". So much so that in her drugged-out haze, she attempted to reconnect with them, to which he rightfully lambasted her, setting her off. I don't condone her losing her temper, but I also don't blame her. if you were forced to look at the art of someone who hates you every time you try to upload, I'm certain more than a few people would have been pushed over the edge. Either way, I think everyone should be proud of her for completing what she set out to do. She didn't even need to make a story, but she did anyway, and that is worth celebrating.

HI! I'm doing it again. what is this, the 5th time I've gone and remade myself. BAH! not even counting anymore. But if the title has indicated anything, yes there was a weird dream and I will get to it when the time comes, but for now, UPDATES!

Had a bit of a depressing few months, and tried to get my ass into gear. I have been making a lot of headway with the new book I'm working on, but I can't share it yet. The reason is because I've taken a suggestion to treat it like therapy and not like a super serious undertaking. gonna keep it to myself until I know for sure people are ready to see it.

Nature valley Nut-bars aside, I'm actually enjoying it. being able to to write freely about what I'm feeling without constraining myself to one medium and get some feelings off my chest at the same time feels liberating. Because of this I've been able to get my goat into gear and grab life by the horns. its not much and I probably still have some neurosis in the back of my head that might show up from time to time, but its a fucking start, SO LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT DAMN IT!

rebooted my persona, still the same Ramblez but now its a pumpkin geist. the original design was actually a spur of the moment thing, based on one of my favorite outfits (anyone else ever just sign a character based on an outfit?) but the time had came and I needed to remake it. the design is not purely one of these "because pumpkins are cool" it... actually came from a dream.

I was walking through a graveyard that was next to a pumpkin patch with the grim reaper and kept asking him if I was going to die soon at all, eventually he got tired of me asking and pushed me into the pumpkin patch and started rough housing. Somehow in the midst of it I got a pumpkin stuck on my head, but I couldn't get it off so I kept it.

when I woke I felt inspired, like this idea was meant to happen. I even built more on the use of the pipe, now the pipe is demonically possessed and burns souls. So its not canon that Ramblez smokes souls to gain power... and get high. I was really wanting to know how to came about that aspect, I was toying with it back in october and november but I wanted to find a way of making it interesting rather then just "BLAH! I EAT SOULS!".

Also someone on the back burner from the ancient group I was with, may have accidentally given me an idea, and I think I might indulge in it now. Jokes on you! You JUST ADDED Afterlife Ghost-train Conductor to my character lore, SO SUCK IT! I'm INTO THAT SHIT!

well here we are again, still trying to spin my wheels, but not really going anywhere. I feel like a lot of what I've done was a wasted effort in the end. I miss October, the month was the most productive I'd been in a while, never thought doing some stupid ritual from an old book would light such a fire under my ass, but it worked somehow.

I haven't been able to get it back, the motivation, maybe I became too self aware of the placebo and it stopped working. Still, I think it was because i was expecting something happen, like the hard work I put in and fucking up my back and drawing hand in the process would somehow pay off, but it didn't.

I don't know what this feeling is, but ever since last year its been extending to my other work. As of now I've indefinitely benched my Anderswo book series until further notice. Too many negative things have impacted it to the point where I can't even work on it without being reminded of bad memories. Every time I try to write I keep thinking back to all of the friends I lost, people I cared about that I'll never see or hear from again. It just... hurts.

I also feel guilty because I'm basically going back on old habits that took me a few years to kick, I've also started drinking again so, we're passed the threshold at this point. I just want to take everything thats hurt me and turn it into something. I want to write, so I'm gonna just pour everything I'm feeling into a story, throw it out into the ether and forget about it.

GREETINGS! MY DARLING LITTLE FAMILIARS! it has been a Wild ride, from the start of September to the end of October, I have been through a wild fire and survived a purge. the world seemed to crumple around me, but I lived through the worst of it, and even gotten a spicy little power boost out of it.

although this was a cost to most of my general sanity,but sanity is overrated anyway. I feel fantastic! like my old self again, this time I don't need to thank anyone this time. NO Sirree-bob! I got it done, all by my self this time, no help need, and none provided, ALL WITH FUCKED UP BACK TOO!

And I know exactly what you're probably thinking, "But Sarah, you made this same statement last time and you didn't actually improve" yeah, thats true, but back then my only friends consisted of a wannabe cowboy and a fish lipped Keebler Elf, and also I didn't have this badass super secret magical thingy before either, but *shhh* its a secret ;o)

But I learned one important lesson, and that is, don't welcome an obvious narcissistic control freak back into your life if they are known for ditching you when your flaws become an inconvenience for them. These people are not worth your time or worthy of your respect, and the only time they will ever be useful is when you harvest their soul to feed your demonic parasite besty, in exchange for magic, and immediately squander it for ability to draw better. (Speaking Figuratively of course)

MOVING ON! I was going to make a post in october, buuuuuuut the powers that be made it a tad difficult, brain was in serious work mode and I couldn't actually stop, I almost damn near destroyed my arm until they told me to stop. But it was worth it, and I finally have a nice little portfolio to reference.

its funny when I think back to it, the entire month of october was basically a fever dream, hardly remember most of it. Weird thing about it is I was sober for the entirety of it except for the anti-inflammatory I was prescribed to help with my back pain. I learned a new method for doing a large amount of work and I'm definitely going to be implementing it in the future after my break is done.

as for whats to happen next, I have a lot of work to do, first being upgrading my operating system. I don't want to, but with the way things are going and with how Microsoft is handling its products now, I have no choice, I will at the very least get the LTSB version so I don't have to deal with 10 different programs scanning my system all the time, also Cortana scares me.

now for the elephant in the room, some of you noticed my discord is missing. I wont go into detail, but some events had transpired back in September and I was pressured by a number of colleagues and stepped forward with concerns of the amount of minors in my server. It was a hard decision because a lot of them I considered friends, but it was time, the server was dying anyway.

as for discord itself, I'm going to be waiting a while before, I'm a bit undecided as to how to go about doing age restricting, because it was never a thing before this point. I might do a poll to see if anyone is interested in the idea.

Hello again, sorry if I don't make updates as often, as I've mentioned before I'm not keen on constantly posting all the time about stuff unless its actually relevant. but I figured this was the right time to share at least some plans with regards to both the webcomic as well as the novel.

the Book is still happening, its just a slow process because I am between editors right now and I've hod to go through more then 3 different revisions over the past few months, and I haven't even made a first draft of the entire thing. yes I'm perfectly aware of how insufficient my writing method is, but keep in mind I am a massive perfectionist, and part of wide I lose motivation to continue is because all first drafts look ugly and I have no idea how to make it look and sound better.

as for the comic, I'm still on the fence as to what to do with that, I am planning on redesigning characters, starting with making ref sheets for each of the main characters, I already have one rough done of Flint's redesign I plan on redrawing. the reason for the slow production is I'm switched to Clip Studio Paint and the rough was made in SAI. So I'm going to redraw it in CSP to make the template for the other characters easier.

On a more personal note, things are stable and honestly, I'm kind of terrified that it is. over the span of 6 months I've found a powerful networking partner, an borderline internship/potential job placement with that networking partner, a potential voice acting position for a serious art film, an editor for my book, and a large community of incredibly talented artists that genuinely like me and treat with dignity and respect, that made me feel more welcome then anywhere else I have been before.

And this right here is where the nihilist in me starts going "okay, so.. when is the bomb going to go off where everything falls apart and I lose everything again and have to start over?", because its always when I get happy,comfy and content that things start to deteriorate, but its not this time, like at all. Because I've had nice things happen to me before having them ripped away, leaving me empty and heartbroken, its always been a consistent pattern in the past.

Maybe things are just fine and this is the new normal, being accepted instead of simply tolerated until I make a mistake and end up hiding away. Sorry if this sounds overly negative, I'm still trying to be optimistic in spite of my anxiety and paranoia. I think certain phantom is right, I think I finally realized that I'm just done with feeling hurt.

I think maybe its time to start believing that I have a right to be happy, and that I am worthy not just in the eyes of other people/artists, but I am worthy of myself. Yeah my personal standards are kinda high, but I think I'll give it a pass, because HOLY SHIT! I HAVE A FUCKING BOOK! and... its not a complete garbage fire right not.

I have a relatively consistent art style and its not an uncanny disaster of proportions. I have a set of character designs I seriously fucking love, and not the way a mother loves an ugly baby, like holy fuck, I kinda wanna lewd Victor just because of how good he looks now. If I do it, I'm not gonna share it, but you're welcome to make your own.

I guess that about wraps it up, I donno if I covered anything relevant other then just an emotion break through, not exactly professional but then again I never tried to pretend to be, but at the very least I think I know what I'm doing, and if the world doesn't end this year then I'm definitely on to something.

Hello, its been a while but I'm not very talkative since not many people follow me here, I don't feel inclined to share my thoughts. but the point I'm making is, something has kind of taken over me, I've grown bored of my current aesthetic and appearance overall, may work has started to stagnant and become meaningless to me.

I don't like leaving work unfinished, but I also don't want to invest time into things that I'm not happy with. Not let me clarify, I'm not completely dumping or deleting anything I've posted or project I've started. Everything is going to be benched until further notice, until I can feel like my style or writing has improved.

I've been wanting to take a more horror related, if it wasn't already evident by some of my other works I've really been wanting to dive into it. The reason I couldn't before was because some people had already known me for the weird cutesy style, and any attempt I made to change that was met with resistance.

Even if it didn't look like it, it always felt like people would get upset when I went outside of my designated style, it was even the idea of doing something that wasn't really my current style, I was worried about getting called a poser.

There's a lot to be considered when you're an artist that feels restricted because there is a thing that has been expected from you that conflicts with the thing you want to do. There were times I had fights with myself about if I was making the right decisions or if this is really who I wanted to be if I was just doing what I few people wanted.

So I'm just going to do my own thing, No longer touching D&D, or the series/book, I might finish the first draft of it at some point and post it somewhere. but I'm no longer going to be working on the comic or concept art, because I no longer feel any sort of satisfaction, and overall its starting to make me hate art.

And usually if something makes you hate the one thing that's keeping you going, thats usually a good time to stop. I'm going to wrap it up here and leave you with this, thought. If you feel as though you are unsatisfied or unhappy with your projects or ideas, don't torture yourself, no amount of work is worth doing if it makes you miserable.

Greetings, sorry it took forever to finally take the first steps to being an active member. Trying to integrate into new communities for me is like stepping into a cold as balls swimming pool, I need to get comfortable before I can even consider chicken fighting with the other kids, cause DAMN those noodles hurt when they whip them at you.

just sorry, that metaphor went out the door and across street, its gone like the rest of my sanity, but thats ok, because this in my art, and I love my art. so yeah if you don't know me or if you're new to my weird-ass, the shit I've been posting is all old art.

its stuff that I've either posted on Deviant Art (before it got delete) and on my twitter. once I feel more comfortable, and the teenage sociopaths, manchildren or farm animals aren't still trying to kill me, I'll upload some of my new art. I actually have a huge project in the works right now and I'm hoping I'll be able to finish the first part of it soon.

if you're into D&D or table top RPGs, you are going to want to stick around. because this is going to be fun.

ALSO!! I've been on the fence with this as this one big thing that pushed me out of other artist communities, but I've been thinking about doing commission again, gonna scrap the original price guide because it follows a really shitty template from DA (that was given to me by another artist who SWORE it was a legit template, turns out she intentionally gave me a bad template because she didn't want me stealing her customers).

but moving on, I'm starting over, fresh as a daisy getting tilt smashed by Gannondorf at 20% (lol referential humor is funny right?) so I'm gonna keep churning stuff out steadily, and if you like what I do, make a request, hardly anyone asks me for art, so feel free to reach out.